The summer of 1995 was going pretty good and the fall was looking really good. All of my shows were over by the time July rolled around. The Dead had finished up their chaotic Summer Tour and had issued an open letter to the fans about their behavior. They threatened to stop touring if we didn't clean up our act. I can't remember my reaction to it because I wasn't gate crashing and swinging drugs on the Lot. But I did have a Fall Tour to look forward to. They were doing a 3-night run at the Spectrum in Philly in September, and I had scored tickets for all three nights. They were doing a multiple night run in Boston at the original Garden and it was the last event to be held there. My friend, who is a huge Red Sox/Celtics fan, had tickets for all of the shows. On each ticket they printed a word at the bottom, so if you had the whole run it spelled out “Would tear this old building down;” a line from Samson and Delilah.
And then it happened. I can't really explain how bad I felt about it. I hadn't lost a parent yet, so this was probably the biggest loss I had suffered yet. I was working at Keystone Machine in Littlestown, running the #078 horizontal mill. We had a shitty little radio that was tuned to a country station out of Baltimore. It was noon and the announcer said “ Reports out of Marin County in California” and I knew Jerry was dead. What other news would come out Marin County? My fellow co worker saw how ashen I was and asked if I was alright. I said, “yes” and since it was lunch time, I went out to the parking lot to compose myself. I spent the rest of the day in a daze. Adrian stopped by and we chatted for a few minutes. He was just as stunned as I was.
I left work and then had to go to my second job, two nights a week at Weis Markets. Not sure why I even went in. I was there less than an hour before I told my boss I was leaving. He didn't exactly understand but left me go. I went over to Nad's and we went out in the fields by his house and puffed out of his piece pipe. It was really ornamental with bull horns on the front. He made it himself and it was the perfect device for such a sad and solemn occasion.
During the weekend following Jerry's death, Custom Blends, aka Planet RYO, held a memorial service up in York or Lancaster. It was well attended and really had a community vibe. Remember, this was before the Internet. There also was a huge event in Golden Gate Park in SF with the band, a truly healing and grieving moment. And Robert Hunter rose to the occasion and wrote this little gem:
An Elegy for Jerry
by Robert Hunter
Jerry, my friend,you've done it again,
even in your silence
the familiar pressure
comes to bear, demanding
I pull words from the air
with only this morning
and part of the afternoon
to compose an ode worthy
of one so particular
about every turn of phrase,
demanding it hit home
in a thousand ways
before making it his own,
and this I can't do alone.
Now that the singer is gone,
where shall I go for the song?
Without your melody and taste
to lend an attitude of grace
a lyric is an orphan thing,
a hive with neither honey's taste
nor power to truly sting.
What choice have I but to dare and
call your muse who thought to rest
out of the thin blue air
that out of the field of shared time,
a line or two might chance to shine --
As ever when we called,
in hope if not in words,
the muse descends.
How should she desert us now?
Scars of battle on her brow,
bedraggled feathers on her wings,
and yet she sings, she sings!
May she bear thee to thy rest,
the ancient bower of flowers
beyond the solitude of days,
the tyranny of hours--
the wreath of shining laurel lie
upon your shaggy head
bestowing power to play the lyre
to legions of the dead
If some part of that music
is heard in deepest dream,
or on some breeze of Summer
a snatch of golden theme,
we'll know you live inside us
with love that never parts
our good old Jack O'Diamonds
become the King of Hearts.
I feel your silent laughter
at sentiments so bold
that dare to step across the line
to tell what must be told,
so I'll just say I love you,
which I never said before
and let it go at that old friend
the rest you may ignore.
About 2 weeks after this, Phish announced a lengthy Fall Tour, which ran from the end of September until mid-December with a week off after Halloween. Little did they know they would be under the spotlight like never before but would rise and fly light years beyond any expectations as they vaulted to the top of the live music scene. I hit 4 shows and it was exactly what I needed to show me the road does continue on. But there will always a little hole in my heart and soul. I feel extremely blessed and fortunate to have seen the Grateful Dead, and I look back in amazement at the adventures I had all before I turned 23.
Dave Kemp
BA American Studies
PhD Rock and Roll
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